Funny Customer Support Conversations

[Paulius777]

Have you ever had a funny customer support conversation? It would be nice, if you could share them with the others.
Here is the few I found online:

''Customer: I’m sorry, I can’t understand you. You sound like a mechanical Irish person.''

''Jason: Hello
kevin: hello, i have a few questions about the host packages.
Jason: Sure
Jason: I'll be happy to answer them for you
kevin: ok. thanks.
kevin: um, when it says unmetered ftp accounts. does that mean ftp transfers will not be counted?
Jason: No, that means you can have as many ftp accounts as in usernames as you want.
Jason: No host has true unmetered FTP transfer, it is impossible
kevin: but transfers will still go towards the 100GB limit correct?
Jason: Yes
kevin: ok
kevin: thanks
kevin: thats it
kevin: bye!''

 

[SenseiSteve]

Had one odd face to face support conversation when I was servicing typesetters. Went on a call because the OP said her typesetter was not printing. When I got there, the OP sat next to me as I started to analyze their issue. I noticed their paper cartridge was empty, so I simply turned to the OP and asked her if she could put some paper in it for me. She realized immediately what the problem was and loaded it with paper. Viola - it printed fine. I didn't have to say anything to the OP because I knew she knew.

 

[Paulius777]

Had one odd face to face support conversation when I was servicing typesetters. Went on a call because the OP said her typesetter was not printing. When I got there, the OP sat next to me as I started to analyze their issue. I noticed their paper cartridge was empty, so I simply turned to the OP and asked her if she could put some paper in it for me. She realized immediately what the problem was and loaded it with paper. Viola - it printed fine. I didn't have to say anything to the OP because I knew she knew.

I definitely thought you will overcharge her
Any other good stories?

 

[SenseiSteve]

I definitely thought you will overcharge her
Any other good stories?

That was a brokerage firm and I did have to charge them the first hour flat rate of $120 - that was back in the 80's.

Another face-to-face? I took a call from a major retailer in a local shopping mall that the screen display on the monitor for their typesetter was blank. At the time, that could have been the monitor or the high voltage power supply failing. When I got there though, when I put my arm near the yoke, my hair stood on end, so I knew it was getting high voltage. Turns out the cleaning lady had accidentally turned the brightness all the way down when she was cleaning the monitor. All I had to do was turn the knob back up. Viola - fixed. They were under contract, so their service was covered.

 

[cheapdedicated]

Have you ever had a funny customer support conversation? It would be nice, if you could share them with the others.
Here is the few I found online:

''Customer: I’m sorry, I can’t understand you. You sound like a mechanical Irish person.''

''Jason: Hello
kevin: hello, i have a few questions about the host packages.
Jason: Sure
Jason: I'll be happy to answer them for you
kevin: ok. thanks.
kevin: um, when it says unmetered ftp accounts. does that mean ftp transfers will not be counted?
Jason: No, that means you can have as many ftp accounts as in usernames as you want.
Jason: No host has true unmetered FTP transfer, it is impossible
kevin: but transfers will still go towards the 100GB limit correct?
Jason: Yes
kevin: ok
kevin: thanks
kevin: thats it
kevin: bye!''

What is funny in this case? It appears to me that genuinely the client wanted to know what you meant by unmetred and once it was clear to him he went out.

 

[easyhostmedia]

just found these online

(I work as a remote chat agent for a phone and Internet provider. I help customers add features to their phones, like international if they are traveling, or parental controls. I do not have direct account access, and usually this is no problem for most people.)

Me: “Happy Tuesday! Welcome to [Company] Online Features Sales! How may I assist you today?”

Customer: “So, what good are you? You can’t do anything because you don’t have access to my account. You’re just a waste of time and my money.”

Me: “I can still do my best to assist you, even without direct account access!”

Customer: “So, what good are you? And you’re probably not an American.”

Me: “I am, actually. I live in Rhode Island. What can I help you with today?”

Customer: “So, what good are you? You can’t help me. Your job doesn’t help anyone.”

Me: “I am very sorry to hear that. Unless you have a question or inquiry, I will need to end this chat. Do you have any questions for me before I do so?”

Customer: “So, what good are you? F*** you.”

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Company]!”

(I get a call from a customer about computer text-sizes. I can hear from the user’s voice that he was getting on a bit, and notice in the ‘notes’ section that the customer is semi-retired and not very computer-savvy. After I have explained

Caller: “Oh! I think I understand. I’ve not changed the text size, but I’m on my old laptop; the new one is in for repair. I’m just doing this for my son while he’s on holiday, and I’m more comfortable on the sofa. Give me a moment; I’ll just try plugging it into the TV…”

(At first I think he meant an external monitor, but as he fiddled around with the cables he explained he’d bought this particular TV for the range of different connectors it had, so the great-grandchildren could bring round their game consoles and he could watch his blu-ray discs from the laptop that was in for repair. He was rather scathing about the staff in the electronics shop who’d not listened to what he wanted and tried to sell him a much simpler model with big buttons on top.)

Caller: “Right, I’ll just get the RDP session back up… Oh, yes, that’s better. All the buttons are showing now.”

Me: “Great. So, did you need help with the new process?”

Caller: “No, the instructions are pretty clear. It’s good to not have all that mucking around printing things any more. Here’s hoping I can get the wireless keyboard and mouse to work with this old thing. I don’t want to be sitting on the floor. It’ll make my arthritis play up and I’ve got a class this afternoon!”

Me: “Oh, what are you doing?”

Caller: “I teach computers for senior citizens at the local college. They didn’t want to let me do it at first, said I’m too old, but I said to them, who better to understand how to explain things to pensioners than another pensioner! Who else really understands what sort of things we want to be doing? And the students can’t say they’re too old to understand when the teacher’s 96, can they? Though some people you just can’t help. Like my son; I expect he calls you a lot.”

(Every time I get a customer who says they’re too old to learn computers, I tell them about this man…)

 

[neq3host]

Lol, well I agree the staff member there, there is no host who offer unlimited resources on a hosting server. Each Hosting company has set their limits. Alot of people Say unlimited RAM etc.. Noting is threu, One host offer to handle more as the other one. For me I would like to suggest to not use huge scripts which needs alot of resources. A hosting company can suspend your website due this action, its just a suggestion .

 

[Paulius777]

''(I work in a call centre that offers customer support for a ticket company. This call comes in a couple of hours into my shift.)''

Me: “Hi, you’ve reached [Company]. How can I help?”

Customer: “Well, first of all, I was trying to book tickets online yesterday and it’s not letting me. Second of all, I think it’s absolutely outrageous that you do not have a customer service line.”

(This statement throws me off a bit and we have a few seconds of silence.)

Me: “Okay, but… you are speaking to our customer services now?”

Customer: “Well, yes, NOW. But my issue occurred 24 hours ago. I think this is absolutely ridiculous.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that; however, we are open every day from 9 to 6 so we were in fact available for you to call yesterday on this number. This is the number to call if you need support.”

Customer: “So, if I need help I call this number?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Are you the customer services?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Then why can’t I book tickets?”

(I look up his purchase attempt records and can see the customer’s transactions were refused by his bank.)

Me: “Okay, I can see here that it is your bank that is refusing the payments. It could be because they need you to verify that you want to make these online transactions.”

Customer: “So, what do I need to do?”

Me: “You need to contact your bank and verify with them what is going on.”

Customer: “How do I do that?”

Me: “Well, you could use your Internet banking or give them a call.”

Customer: “But it takes ages to get through to them! I can’t believe it’s become this complicated to just book some tickets. Do I really have to go through all this trouble?!”

Me: “Well, I can’t see why your bank is denying these payments so you will need to speak them.”

Customer: “You know what? Forget it. It’s not worth it. I can’t believe how difficult you’re making this. Bye.” *click*

(I was left stunned at the sheer stupidity of someone who not only calls customer services to complain that there is no way to contact customer services, but also blames his credit card refusal on a company who would be more than happy to take his money.)