I Need your advice guys - Cancer

[swiftmed]

Hey Guys,

well this is my situation. a VERY good friend of mine has recently been diagnosed with cancer and been given less than 6 months to live. i was devestated as was he to learn the news. I have offered to run his computer shop for him whilst he goes through cancer treatments etc to try and prolong his life as long as possible, but the bottom line is, he has less than 6 months.

Put it this way, if it wasn't for this man, i wouldn't be where i am today with regards to business and my lifestyle, but i have not got one single photo of me and him together, which i would really LOVE to have.

How can i ask him if we can have a photo together, i know that by asking him, he will know that im asking because he knows its because i know he is dieing. how can i ask him without causing offence or upset in any way?

please help. what would you guys do?

 

[Artashes]

First and foremost, I am extremely sad to hear about your friend. My aunt has been fighting cancer for the past year and it hasn't been a joyride.

I think that if you feel very uncomfortable of asking him directly, the absolutely best way to take pictures is go out with him for drinks in the company of close friends and take pictures at the same time, then post them on facebook, flickr, etc - whatever you are into. This will be an entertaining event for all of them and will make him feel good that he has the back support of his friends.

Best,

 

[ANMMark]

Andy, I'm sorry to hear about your friend, and you and your friend both have my sympathy for what you are going through right now, as well as what you will go through.

Artashes is correct. However, I would also like to add something.

Friends should always have the ability to be honest with each other. This is something that is affecting your friend's life as well as everyone he has touched in his life. It will be a life changing event for everyone involved.

Something to keep in mind is that if you simply ask him, and tell him the truth, I would doubt considerably that he would take it offensively.

Let me put this another way.

If you were in your friend's shoes, would you forget that you were diagnosed with Cancer? If you were in your friend's shoes, and while you would fight the disease with everything you had, would you forget the calendar and the time limit a doctor has placed on your life? Of course the answer is no, and I'm sure your friend also has no dillusions about this.

All too often people worry too much about things that they later find was not worth worrying about. They also realize that they worry so much that it keeps them from doing the things that would have meant so much to them later, and regretting not just doing what they wanted to do in the first place.

The fact is, a doctor has given your friend no more than 6 months. In reality, this doctor has given everyone no more than 6 months to share your friend's life and friendship with him, see him smile, hear his voice, and tell him how much he may have changed their life, or how much better their life is because he was in it.

People usually won't say these things to their friends under normal circumstances, because they feel awkward doing so.

Just remember that "tomorrow", and every minute after the current, is a gift that is not promised to any of us. We have all been given "right now", but have no idea how many "right nows" we will be given. So don't waste another "right now" banking on the next one.

Tell your friend exactly how you feel. Be honest with him, and don't pretend that this elephant has suddenly left the room, because I'm absolutely sure he still sees it perfectly fine.

 

[swiftmed]

Hey guys,

thank you EVERYBODY so much for the advice. i went to see my friend today and basically turned around and said that im really sorry about what he has got and what he is about to face. and that if he needed ANYTHING to just ask. i also assured him i would ALWAYS look out for his family and ensure they always have what they need. i mentioned that i felt awkward asking for a photo and talking to him about what he is about to face, and he turned around and said look andrew, i have been your friend for years, i know what is about to happen, and i want everybody to treat me normal, as if the disease wasnt there, and i truely value your friendship and always will do.

So although it was very emotional, and when i left i had a bit of a cry in the car, i got my photos with him, told him how much i thought of him and his family, and basically cleared the air so i now know that i can talk to him about it without any offense being caused .

thank you everybody so much for your advice. if it wasn't for your replies, i would still be sat here now without knowing i at least have one photo to remember us by.

 

[Artashes]

Andy, I am glad you got through with this. I just hope that he finds it in him to beat the desease and stay here for a longer time. He sounds like a terrific guy, and its great to see he has friends like you to rely on even if it doesn't end well for him.

 

[Harry]

Glad you guys got to bond some more. I haven't had anyone within my family/friends, who's had any serious illness, though my mother does work at a Cancer Agency as a nurse.
I can say, people REALLY need to watch what they do eg. their activities. I've learned a lot of at my mother work relating, where cancers originate from:

eg. did you know your NOT supposed to use a plastic container more than ONCE, after you've bought it and used it to heat up food? That's one of the biggest cancers going around, because we think it's safe to eat out of plastic containers, which hold our food etc...

I'm just bringing this up, because it seems we aren't that careful these days or KNOWLEDGEABLE, about certain cancers OR, we know about them and ignore them. eg. Cell Phones.

Anyways, Andy don't let it get you down too hard. I know it's not easy losing a good friend, but this does give you a reason and TO ALL, about being careful of our activities. Good job helping your friend out with his shop too, it's hard to find friends like you two these days... very hard...

 

[XNL0]

It's sad to hear that these things happen to people who are dear to our hearts, but I always try to approach this things from karma point of view, it helps to perceive death in a different light, this is where religion helps.

 

[swiftmed]

Yes i see what your saying. thanks for your reply

 

[amanda123]

Andy i feel sorry for your friend i understand your feelings how difficult is to loose a friend like this